The traditional image of motherhood in Nigeria often presents an unspoken expectation: a woman who carries the entire family’s load without complaint. But a new book, “The Soft Mum Era,” challenges this narrative, offering a fresh perspective that encourages mothers to prioritise balance, joy and authenticity.
Written by Mariam Pedro-Tijani, the book is set to launch in Lagos this September, bringing together mothers, lifestyle enthusiasts and wellness advocates for a celebration of intentional living. The event promises curated experiences, exclusive readings and an opportunity for women to connect over a shared vision of redefining success in motherhood.
At the heart of the book is a powerful message: motherhood shouldn’t be a path to burnout. It’s about making conscious choices, seeking support, and focusing on what truly matters with grace. As Pedro-Tijani explains, it’s also about finding a purpose beyond being a mum. “The book isn’t just a guide,” she says. “It’s an invitation to soften, breathe and redefine what success in motherhood looks like.”
The author shed light in an interview on the inspiration behind the title and the core themes of her work.
The book, which draws its title from the writer’s reputation among friends as the “queen of soft life,” presents a radical reimagining of what successful motherhood can look like. “It is embracing the chaos, the mess and finding joy in it,” Pedro-Tijani explained. “It is choosing ease and creating a life of ease as a parent.”
Pedro-Tijani doesn’t shy away from addressing the intense pressures facing Nigerian mothers today. She outlines a comprehensive list of societal expectations that place a disproportionate burden on women: from sacrificing career advancement to attend school programmes, to shouldering the mental load of family management, to enduring the “snap back culture” that expects mothers to bounce back physically and emotionally without complaint.
“Mothers are expected to forfeit their dreams or put them off till a later time,” she noted, highlighting how women are often required to relocate for their husband’s career while abandoning their own support systems. Perhaps most critically, she points to the impossible standard of being simultaneously successful professionally while maintaining constant presence as a mother.
Central to Pedro-Tijani’s message is the controversial notion that mothers should maintain identity and purpose beyond their parental role. Drawing from her own experience of becoming an author—writing at night after her children sleep—she offers practical pathways for maternal self-discovery.
Her recommendations include revisiting pre-motherhood passions, joining non-child-related groups, and engaging in self-centering practices like journaling and yoga. “Undoubtedly, having to do things beyond being a mum is not always easy and also not mandatory but it is a thing of choice. A choice to be more,” she emphasised.
The book’s core philosophy challenges deeply held beliefs about maternal worthiness. Pedro-Tijani’s central message is provocative in its simplicity: “A woman’s value as a mum is not determined by the amount of struggle she endures. Happy mums raise happy kids.”
This perspective represents a significant departure from traditional narratives that equate good mothering with self-sacrifice and endurance. Instead, “Soft Mum Era” advocates for creating “a nurturing, peaceful environment for yourself and your children to thrive” through what Pedro-Tijani calls “a mindset that unlocks the resilience in mothers.”
Pedro-Tijani’s book arrives at a crucial moment, offering mothers permission to prioritise their well-being while maintaining their commitment to family. It certainly promises to spark important conversations about modern motherhood in Nigeria.
